So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
