Say something about gay babies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
