I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
