Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
