I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
