I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
