nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
