I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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