I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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