I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
