Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
