did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
