end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
