Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
