Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
