You made me cry and you don't even care
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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