if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
