Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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