My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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