I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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