I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
