I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
