woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
