Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
