she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
