kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
