It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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