I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
