There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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