She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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