your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she was so not down for the gang bang
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
