Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
