More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
