I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
