I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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