Someone shit on the floor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
