Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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