we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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