I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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