Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
