I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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