I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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