Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She bit a glass in half.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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