A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
