Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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