I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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