Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
