its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
