Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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