At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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