so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize