Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
