About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
