After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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