how can u be prego again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
