are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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