I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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