Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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