I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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