The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
