I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
