And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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