Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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