Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
