Just fell off a train. Bad.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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