lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
