My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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