But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Green mimosas i think yes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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