so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
