I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
