I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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