Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Watching her eat just hurts me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
