He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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