I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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