if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
