i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
