It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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