I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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