I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
