I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
