Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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