I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
