who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
