My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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