I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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