sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
