doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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