he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
