I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
