I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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